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15 Quotes from my Psychotic Law Lecturer

I spent one year studying law. It's all I could manage. In the second semester I studied Torts and didn't understand a thing.

But I kept going to the classes because of the lecturer. He was a large, crazy, middle aged American man. He wore a poncho to class - always the same poncho.

I looked back on my notes for that unit recently, because lockdown has reached that stage now. I noticed I didn't take much down about the legal stuff, but I did keep a record of a bunch of things he said to us:

  1. “Law is all about money.”

  2. “When you go home tonight and watch SBS World News at 6.30, the only question that should run through your minds when you hear of such horrors like a bus full of Indian people that plummets off a cliff, or a Saudi Arabian train that explodes because someone lit something incorrectly, or when an Air Malaysia plane full of thousands of people goes missing over the sea is… COMPENSATION??? Who owes money to whom? How much? And how can I prove it in a court of law?”

  3. “You don’t have souls.”

  4. “You all watch Doctor Who. You all watch Star Trek. You’re all geeks.”

  5. “The only thing that keeps me going every day when I’m riding the stupid Metro train, is the prospect of seeing your churlish and sunny faces every day, and knowing that one day you will all die.”

  6. “I think I’m pretty smart. As a matter of fact, I might even be a genius.”

  7. “You chose to be here. You waived the consent to psychic harm.”

  8. “Anyone who can tell me where Homer J. Simpson comes from gets a gold star.”

  9. “In America, everything has happened. People have tried to sue extra-terrestrials for rape. Santa and God have both been sued multiple times. Australia is more like Canada… nothing happens. And when it does, it’s boring.”

  10. Lecturer: “You people (Australians) shorten everything. You call Woolworths ‘Big W’ because you’re lazy.” Student: “Big W and Woolworths are different stores.” Lecturer: “Do I care?”

  11. “Think like a lawyer, not a person.”

  12. RE: Every man’s home is his castle. “Every castle has a dungeon. That means torture.”

  13. “Are there any Law/ Medicine students here? the ones that really want to win… Do we have any of those freaks here?”

  14. Lecturer: *Finishes explaining a point on one of the slides and takes sip from his huge mug.* Student: "Actually, isn't it {the correct answer}." Lecturer: “That’s what you get when you drink a vodka milkshake.”

  15. “I am physically very powerful.”


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